How to Overcome Insecurity: Why Am I So Insecure? | AIB
The security or insecurity in oneself is characteristic of the personality that can make the worst of your days become a real nightmare or a challenge from which you acquire new learning for future occasions.
The people who feel secure are not those who are always right when making decisions or solving problems, but those who, whether they are wrong or not, trust in their ability to face any situation and succeed. That is why the people who feel secure face more challenges than those lacking this quality and are therefore more likely to develop and progress in various fields of life.
The insecure people, on the contrary, end up limiting their growth in different areas of their existence, also dragging a significant emotional discomfort (sadness, anxiety, undervaluation…). Far from what the self-confident person can appear, with security is not born, but is a characteristic that is acquired and developed throughout life. Therefore, we want to give you good news: you can learn to feel secure with yourself.
What does it mean to have insecurity in oneself?
Self- insecurity is defined as an emotional, cognitive and behavioral complex that makes the person feel, think, and behave in an insecure manner, thus affecting the opinion he has about himself and his abilities. On an emotional level, the combination of fear and feeling vulnerability makes the insecure individual not well disposed to face situations that involve uncertainty.
All emotion has associated one or several thoughts, and that is why at the cognitive level the insecure person thinks or says things that scare: “you can not / know, you are not capable, or you are not prepared for, others what they do better than you, better ask …, if I’m wrong, the consequences will be horrible …, are just some of the examples of the words that the insecure person dedicates when facing or solving problems, or if You must make an important decision that affects your work or family, your relationship, a change of residence, and so on.
It will not be surprising then that, faced with this scenario, the insecure person carries out behaviors to avoid or escape from problems. That is to say; it denies the existence of these, does not face them deriving its resolution in others, or ends up facing them with very high levels of anxiety. Self-perception starts deteriorating more and more, interfering with their expectations to solve problems or take on future risks and, of course, to achieve goals, be successful, and even be happy.
Consequences of Being Insecure
The lack of security in oneself brings with it a wide range of negative emotions that, in turn, only increase the feeling of insecurity. Among them, we find anxiety, sadness, anger with oneself, guilt, and shame. All of them make the self – esteem of the insecure person diminish more and more, entering a vicious circle of which the insecure person does not succeed to leave.
When these emotions reach a high intensity, last too long, or are very frequent, they end up interfering in the life of the person, giving rise to psychopathological problems such as anxiety disorders or depressive symptoms, among others. This is joined by the social, labor, and in different spheres of life of the insecure person, as their options are limited and let people escape and interesting opportunities along the way, something that in many cases are aware and that further increases their emotional discomfort.
How to Overcome your Insecurity?
If you want, today may be the first day you decide to end your emotional insecurity. Although you do not recognize yourself in any other way, to be insecure, you learn. And what is learned can be unlearned, or develop other learning that replaces the wrong behaviors. Therefore, we will give you the keys to attack the three factors of insecurity and discover how to overcome your fears to become a self-confident person:
Overcome the emotions of insecurity: Do not stay with a simple “I feel bad” or “I’m down.” Instead, ask yourself what exactly happens to you, what you call what you feel. Do you feel fear, guilt, shame, lack of motivation, low self-esteem …? Knowing your emotion will be the first step to be able to face it because fear is not overcome in the same way as the feeling of guilt.
Next, ask yourself what is it that scares you, makes you feel guilty, or has made you embarrassed, and assesses whether the feeling is appropriate for the situation that triggered it. Is it really that much?
Stop the negative thoughts: Every emotion has a thought matched. Write down those disheartening things that you say when you experience the previous emotions, or when making a decision, face a new challenge, solve a problem, and so on. This way you will be able to verify that many negative emotions derive from what you are telling yourself, and not from what is really happening.
Now ask yourself if you would talk like that to a friend who has to face the same situation as you. I’m sure you would not be so cruel to him. Why are you then with you?
Adopt coping behaviors: What you believe about yourself is primarily defined by how you see yourself behaving. Therefore, your behavior is crucial to have a good concept of yourself, in addition to developing skills that make you feel more confident with yourself. Self-confident people are not those who have a better ability to solve problems, but those who rely more on that ability.
Therefore, try, face your challenges, and do not be so afraid of making mistakes. It is very rare that, although the result is not what was expected, you regret having acted; people regret more of “what could have been, than what it finally was.” Do it, even with fear, but do it.
Sometimes, the feelings of insecurity are too intense or have come to interfere in such a way in the life of a person, that this is in a situation from which it is tough to leave. If that is your case, do not hesitate to ask for specialized help so a psychologist can teach you techniques and strategies that allow you to face your insecurity. The cognitive-behavioral treatments are interventions whose effectiveness is scientifically proven and can help you overcome this problem.