Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Shadowy Existence – How to Come Out of It? | AIB

Not everyone has an ability to stage and convince others of their skills, as they almost live in a shadowy existence. The disadvantage is obvious: whoever is always in the shadow of others, has their peace, but is also not perceived. From a professional point of view, very unfavorable, if you want to move forward without stirring the drum for yourself, the thing does not work.

Of course, this is just a timely horror for timid contemporaries. How to convince others of your qualities …

What is Shadowy Existence?

Generally, people who are in the shadows does not receive so much attention, because it is just not seen, is in the dark. Anyone who leads a shadowy existence has disappeared from the (public) perception, is isolated and almost forgotten. Shadow life is synonymous with wallflower existence, inconspicuousness, but also secondary status.

Shadowy existence

Why is attention so significant?

Man as a social being is dependent on the attention of other people. One more, the other less. Without social ties, compliments, recognition, and appreciation people often feel worthless. Studies have shown that rejection activates the same brain areas as physical pain. The reason for this lies in the primitive times of the man when he was still threatened by predators regularly.

At that time, humans learned that their chances of survival are much higher in their fellowship with other people. People who were hurt by being excluded from their social environment adapted and survived with greater likelihood. Besides the threat of predators – until today nothing changed: people who lead a shadowy existence falls into oblivion for the others. For the person concerned that means that he is lonely and out of the community.

Voluntarily chosen isolation or inability?

Shadowy existence

Loneliness in the job can be chosen by yourself, and there are jobs where it is clear from the outset that there will be a little customer and peer contact. For example,

  • Ranger
  • janitor
  • Shepherd
  • Nightwatchman

Even working from home is not suitable for everyone, since at least during working hours, the social contacts are severely limited. However, all these jobs and employment relationships are evidence of voluntary isolation.

Similar to the speechwriter, who will never be at the center of his work because of his work, instead others take the laurels for “his” speech. This is a self-chosen shadowy existence. However, these formulations make it clear that with a shadowy existence in the rarest cases something positive is connected. Of course, not always, and someone wants to be in the limelight because that can be quite exhausting.

Exaggerated shyness is also a disadvantage

Shadowy existence

People who lead an involuntary shadowy existence are more prone to caution and restraint. If you have low extraversion values or high introversion values, you are not very sociable, but you are somewhat withdrawn. However, this shyness avenges itself:

  • Tasks

Who sits in the second row, is perceived neither by the customer nor by the boss or colleague – at least not so fast. When it comes to a new project, new exciting tasks, it is unlikely that he will be entrusted with them, as others do not even bother them.

  • Position

Those who live a shadowy existence will substantially perform the same tasks as always. Although this routine provides security in the sense of accuracy, it is also boring. And you will not be able to distinguish yourself from it. So if you are looking for a promotion, you need new tasks with which you can emphasize your competence.

  • Contacts

They are not perceived by your colleagues. As a result, you may be cut off from important sources of information regarding internal developments or valuable industry knowledge. They are still quite lonely on joint activities such as company outing or Christmas party. And once you need help with one thing, the hurdle of addressing others becomes significantly higher – as well as the likelihood that they will give you immediate support.

  • Workplace

In the worst case, such a shadowy existence can cost a living, if you belong to a number of other workers who have not acquired any specialist knowledge and only perform routine tasks that can now be handled by a vending machine.

Anyone who wants to be perceived in the interpersonal realm must succeed in being attractive to others or sympathetic in some way, but even that comes from nothing. To do this, you need to interact with other people. However, those who are more introverted or also suffer from a social phobia have a hard time.

Read Also: How to Stop the Impostors Affecting Your Career | AIB

Step out of the shadows: That’s the way it works

Shadowy existence

The desire to belong is vocalized in most people. Yet it is not easy for everyone. Anyone who leads an involuntary shadowy existence should ask themselves, where the reasons could be:

Feeling of inferiority

Often, self-esteem is not unusually high in people who live in the shadows. Their own abilities and strengths are not adequately assessed. In behavior, they are not conspicuous, and that is also the problem: Such people have no profile, may be helpful and kind, but nothing more.


Out of this sense of inferiority, such persons are very reserved. They believe that their quiet nature must already be quality criterion enough, liked by others, addressed and, for example, invited to common activities. That does not happen, the consequence: The person is hurt, retires even more – a vicious circle.


Occasionally, people in the shadows show a certain sacrificial attitude: No one likes me, the new colleague is much more popular than me, I never had a chance … Instead of serious search for causes and analysis, what may be on the other’s behavior may offend. The culprits are already identified from the beginning.

Countermeasures for shadowy existence

Shadowy existence

Anyone who has recognized himself at one point or another can take appropriate action and bring light into the darkness and step out of your shadowy existence:

Reflect your behavior

What makes you, what strengths do you have, what weaknesses do you see in yourself? For example, what do popular colleagues do differently than you? Observe yourself and your facial expressions in the mirror: You may have an adverse effect on others – who laughs a little, quickly loses its appeal for others.

Offer your help

If you have no chance to meet you, you will never be able to convince yourself of your qualities. Who knows, maybe you are a particularly loyal soul when it comes to friendships? And in the profession, you will appreciate your right, careful approach – because quality always pays off. You can prove this, for example, if a colleague has a lot of work and excellent support.

Report your successes

To ensure that your professional work is appropriately rewarded, you must draw attention to it. Demonstrate that, for example, through your efforts, you have made improvements – whether you’ve painstakingly discovered a source of error or can illustrate the benefits of your suggestions through the graphics in your PowerPoint presentation.

The easier it is for you to interact with other people, the more success you have in the interpersonal realm, the easier it will be for you to be a professional leader. If training was not an option before, because you felt uncomfortable about attending a course by yourself, you can now approach other people and meet new ones.

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