How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Everything | AIB
It is clear that if we must be perfectionists with something, that is our behavior, but some people overreach in this. While some value what they do by analyzing their weaknesses and devising ways to improve, others become obsessed with the habit of blaming themselves for all the bad things that happen to them.
Stop blaming yourself for all the bad things that happen to yourself is essential to improve welfare because if you do not get out of that dynamic, there is a vicious circle in which pessimism and the expectation of failure make it impossible to get better.
In this article, we will review some keys to stop blaming yourself for everything and face life with a more constructive attitude. However, remember that every process of personal development and learning has to go beyond reading, so everything will depend on whether you use these ideas to modify the way you relate to your environment and with others.
1. Relativize the importance of guilt
Even if one is responsible for what happened, this does not mean that guilt has to have us plunged into misfortune indefinitely. The only usefulness of this feeling is to make the memory of that negative experience last over time and lead us to avoid making the same mistake. If we can learn the lesson, the reasons to continue martyring have no reason to be. In other words, guilt is not a condemnation: it is a learning factor.
Thus, there is nothing that should lead us to think that the simple fact that we feel bad is a reason why we should suffer. In nature, rewards and punishments do not exist beyond the human imagination.
2. Analyze your weaknesses and real strengths
Beyond what one would wish, it is evident that every person has his imperfections. This means, among other things, that not everyone can do anything at a particular time in their life. Some things do, and others only if you have a lot of practice or knowledge. Remembering this is important because it provides real information about what is the fault of oneself and what is not.
In those situations in which a very complicated and challenging to avoid obstacle has appeared, there is only one situation in which one is guilty of what happened: one in which it was evident that this obstacle would appear, and pride or another form of irrationality led us to go to meet him. Of course, this changes if the reason why we “complicated our lives” in that way had to do with protecting another person.
3. Reflect on your relationship with the environment
People who tend to blame themselves for everything manage to maintain a low profile in their social relationships. This means, among other things, that they readily believe that they owe things to others, feel “helpless” living at the expense of the goodwill and virtues of others, and spontaneously adopt submission roles.
The consequence of this is that as the people of their next social circle see that the person has a lack of assertiveness and self-esteem, the usual thing is that they obey and make sacrifices for others. Of course, when everyone exercises this type of pressure, it is effortless to fail many times, both by probability and by the stress that this dynamic of social relations produces.
So, to stop blaming yourself is key to trace the signs that this phenomenon is occurring in our relationships. Even unconsciously, it is effortless that if we start to attribute the blame for all the bad that happens, the rest also do the same.
4. Practice compassion
Much of our perception about the world and ourselves does not depend on the content of these ideas and beliefs, but on the attention, we give to each of these elements.
In the same way, if we only thought of poverty and suffering, we would become depressed, paying attention only to one’s imperfections gets a similar effect, with the bonus that by locating the problem within oneself, one does not have the sense to try to solve what happens: the broken cannot repair itself, according to this belief.
Therefore, it is good to practice compassion, which in this case is nothing other than applying to ourselves what we usually do with the world: never forget its positive aspects.
In this sense, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help a lot, since it is based on the acceptance of a particular series of imperfections and on the work to improve in the rest of aspects.